Posted by: Tom Gaddis | February 27, 2010

The Doctor is In

As a good spiritual doctor, I’ve wanted to give sound advice to a friend of mine going through a divorce. She’s very smart and doesn’t need counsel. She just needs people to be there for her.

Sometimes words just won’t do. I’ve found that emotional support moves best through hugs and listening. Oh, and humor.

I passed on some sage advice to her that is applicable to others who might be suffering in the aftermath of betrayal. The doctor is in and advises that in your time of upheaval and sadness to avoid the following:

Jack Daniels and his cousins Jose Cuervo and Jim Beam

Loaded weapons—knives, Kalashnikovs, anything with the words “semi automatic” on the label,  and blow guns 

Women’s Magazines with titles like: Perfectly Normal Women Who Stalk Their Ex’s

Old Movies such as Death Wish, Hang Em High, or Kill Bill

Blues Music (If you’re already in the Mood Basement why dig deeper?)

Bomb-Making-Made-Simple Internet articles

Other Women’s magazines with titles like: The Last Time I Saw My Husband, He Was Walking Down Lover’s Lane Holding His Own Hand

Country and western songs:

                    He Got the Goldmine, and I Got the Shaft

                    If I’d Shot Him Sooner, I Would be Out by Now

No, the best advice around for any staggering from the wounds of a Judas, a Brutus or What’s-Their-Name is: “Never return evil for evil.”

What have you prescribed to those suffering from betrayal?



  1. My advice is always to – make no major decisions during the time of crisis. Wait on the Lord and believe that the sun will definitely come up–eventually.

  2. After all weapons of mass destruction are safely out of your reach, it’s okay to completely lose it. Let God give you His big, understanding shoulder as you morph from raging she-cat to bewildered sobbing mush on the floor, and back. Don’t blame yourself for his choice to betray no matter what the circumstances were in the marriage. Be gentle with yourself and accept help and support from trusted friends who love you. Friends are one of God’s ways of showing you He will never forsake you.

  3. I love your response Carrie. You sound to me like you would be a great resource to send people to, as one who has lived through betrayal and has overcome the temptations to bitterness, revenge, and hate. Thanks for sharing. tg

  4. Thanks, Tom. I appreciate all the support I’ve received and would welcome the chance to offer support to someone else hurting in this way.

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